1 post tagged “philosophical”
Recently, a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless out of respect to her privacy) was ruminating on the nature of words spoken between lovers and ( I can only assume) friends as follows:
Is it wrong for me to need the words so much? I know. I DO know. I trust you. I believe you. I've never doubted it, not for a moment.
And still, I ache to hear them. I feel them each and every time - a shock, a jolt that moves through me and wraps around my heart. I treasure them, those words, like pearls and diamonds. Take them out when I'm lonely or sad. I touch them, feel how they are worn smooth and silky from the voices of uncounted multitudes.
Why hoard them when their true beauty lies in the giving?
My response was as follows:
...There is no time. Let me sum up...
Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence
For a more solid answer, though, we are conditioned ("trained" if you will) from a young age that we will say the thing that is hurtful, rather than helpful. As we grow up, we are shown that, no matter how loving the intention of our words, they will be interpreted to mean something else entirely. Not only that, but we hope for and (at least, some, at the begining) seek positive response from our companions and superiors. When the reaction we get is "something less than" positive or approving, we shut down that path fairly quickly as a mechanism of self-defence.
Mind you, I'm not justifying or rationalizing either position. My observations of our society have led me to that conclusion, both from personal experience, anecdotal evidence and popular culture. Just watch any sit-com that is a "family" setting and you'll see what I mean.
Try looking for the "little things", the unspoken deeds of affection. Not the BIG ones, the diamonds on birthday/Valentine's day/Xmas/anniversary. Think smaller, every-day scale. Remember the axiom that "Actions speak louder than words" to get a read on true feelings.
Holding hands while walking? Occasional, idle carresses (NON SEXUAL!) while seated beside each other? "please" and "thank yous" exchanged? All good, encouraging signs, particularly if they come without thought.
HTH,
